Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Top 10 percentile...FINALLY!!!

I lived 3 full years of my life with a ranking tied around my neck like an albatross (let me pause and tell you that I recently learned that the term albatross round your neck is a statement taken from biblical times where those that were found guilty of murder had the victims of their crime chained to their bodies and the murderer had to witness the corpse rotting as a part of their punishment...yikes!!! Pharaoh was no joke!!!). I digress...shocker. while in law school we were ranked. Every semester we got our new ranking as our grades were posted. It sucked...big time. I hated that index card in the sealed envelope with my name typed so neatly on the label. It was my make or break moment all neatly fit onto 3" x 5". I thought it was such a BIG wasn't, well not for me at least. For those 15-18 students that made up the top 10 percent, it was a big deal. For the remaining 162 of us...not so much. Anything under 10% were pretty much equally ranked once I got a taste of the real world...all that quivering at Pinky's desk for nothing!!!

I have coveted that top 10 percent for years now, and yesterday I received word that I finally made the grade. Channing and I are in our, "casting a wide net" season right now. We are looking at all of the options available for us to have a child and we are seeking out each and every one of them. We figure God has our baby, and it is our job to go out and find that little bundle. So we have an appointment with a fertility specialist on Thursday the 5th (Dr. Le), we are actively trying on our own, and we have submitted our application to an adoption agency. I submitted it last Wednesday and I got an email yesterday that we were pre-approved!!! YAY!!!!

I was thrilled that we were looked upon kindly by the committee, but I was even more shocked when I learned that this specific adoption center has over 200 applications per month from prospective adoptive parents and they only accept between 10 to 15. WHAT???? Do the math people...that means Channing and I are in the 5 - 7.5 percentile!!!! How you like them apples Pinky???

We don't know if adoption is what God has for us right now, but we are pretty sure at some point (even if we are blessed with a biological child) that we also want to adopt. I have been researching for a little while now, after hearing Hugh Jackman speak about his bi-racial adoption on the Barbara Walters special prior to the Oscars. Did you know that there are bi-racial/African American children turned away every month because there are not enough families to willing to adopt a child that is black or part black? Most agencies give adoptive families who are willing to adopt bi-racial or AA children a discounted rate (up to as much as $10,000 off of their normal fee) to adopt these precious children. Do you know how sick to my stomach that makes me? That any child would be "discounted" just so a family would be more willing to accept them. It hits especially close to home as our child (God willing) will be bi-racial. And that is seen as less than desirable...horrifying to me.

So we are open, and willing and patiently waiting for God to define our path. I may send Him a memo that we are in the top 10 percent...can't hurt right?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

And how would you like your eggs?

When I was young my Mom and I would go to Village Inn (picture an IHOP with better food) quite frequently. We would both order the VIB (Village Inn Breakfast) for you VI virgins. You know that part when you're ordering eggs from a restaurant and the waitress says, "and how would you like your eggs sugar?" (apparently our VI hired Flo from Alice). Anyway, I would order scrambled or over easy, sometimes I would spice it up a bit and order poached. Well I am changing my order from now on...I would like my eggs YOUNG!!!

I am getting a very interesting education in a woman's reproductive evolution. It's not looking good folks. These eggs are gearing up for an early retirement and I am trying to sweeten the pot with benefits and a big fat raise!!! Apparently, although society has progressed and women are now pushing off having children until they are...I don't know...READY!!! Mother Nature has not signed on to this new plan. She is still of the mindset that good, viable, healthy eggs are meant for the young...and when I say young, I mean really "Mom where's my cheer leading uniform" young. Or, "oops I am hungover from my bar crawl and missed my 8:00am class" young. Bottom line here is...Mother Nature should be sued for age discrimination...and throw in some gender discrimination while your at it.

I mean seriously...can the 34 year old chic catch a break? I have tried to do the right things in my life. Rebounded back from some ridiculous choices I made in my early 20' say marrying a loser who wanted to spread his seed all over tar nation. I did not allow that loser seed to be planted into my young naive eggs. I picked my eggs up and moved them on to higher ground. Got my eggs a good education. Took my eggs to Ireland to study abroad. My eggs passed the bar. Then my eggs found a pretty awesome man who was not a loser, and had no interest in conquering all of tar nation. My eggs fell in love, got engaged, got a great job, with a great paycheck, and AMAZING insurance, got married, and after all of that responsible choice making, and goal attainment my eggs should have been ready to fulfill their destiny right? Wrong. Now I hear from the internet(s) that my eggs may be tuckered out from all of this self betterment I have been engaging in.

Is there microderm abrasion for eggs? I'm just sayin...

Monday, February 16, 2009

Wieldin' That Sword

I'm not a sit and wait around for stuff to happen kind of gal...I'm of the make it happen school of thought. So struggling to get pregnant has not been the easiest of pills to swallow. Waiting patiently on the Lord has me ready to pull my hair out (of which I found 2 gray hairs yesterday!!! I had Channing picking through my head like a mama monkey checking her baby for nitz looking for those pesky grays...when did I wake up old???) I digress...

So bottom line is I am used to getting results when I put my mind to something. Patience is a virtue...but I tend to not be to virtuous when it comes to getting my baby!!! But I know the following to be true:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

So today dons a new day...a courageous day, a day filled with hope, and discouragement has no room in my heart. I know God walks beside me, and that he knows the desires of my heart. I know that He would not give me the desire to be a mother...if He were not going to bless me with the opportunity. I just don't know what it looks like from here...and that's OK. Scary but OK.

So I am wielding that sword (I actually typed "yielding that sword" in the title first...God's got a project ahead of Him with me :)). I am taking charge of the things God has designated for me...and leaving the rest... at rest at His feet. I love Him...and am falling ever deeper in love with Him each and every day. The way He has provided for Channing and I over the last year brings tears to my eyes...He gives and He takes away. But He never leaves me, He never abandons me, He walks with me through the peaks and the valleys. Isn't God good?

Ok off to bug the Dr.'s to get an appointment for some blood work...check my FSH and estradiol please ma'am!!! I have no idea what that means, but I know I need it...the internet is a beautiful tool :)