She's 4....

 Sayler Jaye - 

Four years ago on this night I was overcome with emotion. I can remember this surreal realization that tomorrow I would become someone's mother...your mother. I could not wrap my head around the fact that one day could change it all. But it did. You did. Change my life. Change my heart. Change the world.

I've loved you since this day...

But I didn't understand the greatness of the love that was to come.

 

How could my heart have known a love like this?

You are more than I imagined. Better. My dreams of you did not do you justice.

You continue to unravel everything I thought I knew about the bounds of love. This love knows no bounds.

You fill this world with a beauty that was never here before. 

So my sweet Sayler, on this night before you wake up as my four year old baby girl I want to tell you that these 4 years have been the greatest of my life. You have taken a life that was black and white and transformed it into technicolor. You have taken a heart that was scarred and wounded from life's battles and healed it. You have shown a cynic how to believe again and magically transformed a glass that was half empty into one that is half full. You live big and because you do...I get to too. Being your Mommy has been the miracle of my life. No written word can convey they love I hold for you deep within me. But when I read these words I think of you:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) - E.E. Cummings

Happy 4th Birthday to you my lovely...

Love,

Your Momma

When someone else says it better than you can...

Sayler Jaye and Maesyn Sidney...please know that this is how I love you. These words speak the depths of my heart and the whispers of my soul. I will always come baby girls...always.

http://lisajobaker.com/2013/08/a-promise-for-my-daughter/

Maesyn at 9, 10 and 11 months old

My Sweet Sweet Mae Mae - 

I have had this blog post in a draft status for months now and I have not posted it yet so I figured it was time to get down to business and tell you about...you :)

9 Months

• You started crawling this month just shortly after Sayler's 3rd birthday but before Thanksgiving. Once you got the hang of it you were going everywhere...FAST!
• You, Sayler and Mommy were so sick over Christmas. We all 3 had terrible colds and fevers and you just wanted to be held and rocked. I felt so bad for you...but Nana loved getting to snuggle your little feverish self for hours and hours on Christmas Day.
• You're around 20 lbs and 33 inches tall.
• Still drinking formula and you love your ba ba's.
• You are exclusively eating table food and go back and forth about what you like. Some days you love fruit and other days you won't touch it! You're definitely keeping me on my toes.
• You love your sissy and one of the fist things you started saying was "Hi dih dee!" (Hi sissy).

10 Months Old

• You're really moving now and pulling up to stand on everything. You're not cruising yet but want to get everywhere your sister is so it's not far off :)
• You have started sleeping through the night pretty regularly...hallelujah! You love your room and your crib and snuggle up with your bee bee (pink fleece blanket) and sleep all night.
• You're so funny and you know it!  You love making people laugh and when you see that they are laughing you do whatever it was you were doing again and again. I'm fully prepared for you to be the class clown!
• You love pulling books off of shelves...LOVE.IT!!!  It would be your full time job if there weren't laws against babies working 9-5. You crawl into your sister's room and pull all of the books off of her shelves over and over again. Or you climb into the kitchen and pull the cook books off of the kitchen shelf.  If we can't find you we know exactly where to look...where the books are!

11 Months Old

• You are in.to.everything...and I think it is hilarious! I love watching you explore and do things your sister never would have dreamed of doing! You open cabinets I don't think your sister has ever tried to open to this day. You climb up the stairs and won't stop even when I tell you no no. You are FEARLESS!!!  It scares me to death but also makes me smile. You are definitely your own person Miss Mae Mae and we have our hands full for sure.
• You are so entertained with the older kids at daycare.  But you are not intimidated by them at all. You get right in the mix and want to be where the action is.
• You think it is hilarious when it is windy outside and the wind blows in your face. You smile and laugh every time it happens.
• You love screaming with your sissy. Whenever she screams...you squeal at the top of your lungs!!!  You just chase each other around (her running you crawling) ans try to out scream one another :)  My ears are annoyed but my heart just smiles!

Maesyn I love you more than I ever thought possible. I love to kiss your sweet face and bury my nose in your neck and smell your sweet baby smell. I never knew how much my life was missing until you showed up smack in the middle of it. You are my sunshine Boo Boo...<3 and="" back="" moon="" p="" the="" to="" you="">

Hope Floats

One of my most favorite quotes comes from the movie Hope Floats (yes I'm serious...it might not be Nietzsche  but it's how I roll).

*I may or may not have just had to Google how to spell Nietzsche...and use Wikipedia to verify he was who I thought he was.  Just keeping it real over here.

But I love me some Sandra Bullock as Birdie Pruitt (did not have to Google that...that one I know) and in the movie she says:

"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will..."

So today I find myself at the crossroads between a sad ending and a scary beginning and I just needed to take a moment to sit with it for a while and be grateful for an amazing middle.

Nearly 3 years ago Channing and I made the decision to move back to the Midwest from Dallas after the birth of our baby girl Sayler. We wanted to be closer to our family and give her a close and consistent relationship with her Nana and Papa. We were able to keep our positions with our company and even work from home but we knew that we would need full time child care for Sayler and I was sick over the fact that we had to leave our daycare provider in Dallas whom we adored. So about 6 weeks before we were set to move I started searching for options. If you are a mother you know finding someone to care for your child is like taking your heart out of your body and asking someone to keep it safe all day long. It was so stressful and scary to even think about. But I did my homework and was referred to an in home daycare run by a woman named Dana. I contacted her and we had a phone conversation about what I was needing as far as care for Sayler. During the conversation I felt as though she was interviewing me as much as I was interviewing her. That made me feel good. I liked her.  So we set up a time to meet once we were all moved in and settled. Through the course of our conversations we discovered our new home was 2 houses down from her parents new home...how crazy is that? I smelled God at work.  We arranged a meeting on a warm June evening and from the moment we walked in the door...I knew she was going to care for my child. And she has every day since...until Monday, when she won't anymore.  And I'm sad for the ending. But I am happy for her new beginning.

When she started watching Sayler she looked like this...

Now she looks like this...

Gulp.

This happened...

Sayler Steppin' Out from Stephanie Doss on Vimeo.

And Miss Dana taught her how to pray...



Amen!!! from Stephanie Doss on Vimeo.

And she found a best friend...

Dana was the first person to know about this...

And she watched me grow from this....

To this...

And then Maesyn got to go to Miss Dana's house too. This is what she looked like on her first day...

And now she looks like this...

She found a boyfriend best friend too...

She's helped us celebrate all of these...

And dried a lot of these...

But most of all, we had a lot of these...

Dana - I can never express how grateful I am for the way you have loved my babies.  Finding someone to open their arms, and their home and their heart to my girls every day for the last 3 years has been the gift of a lifetime.  I can never repay you for the peace of mind you sent me to work with each and every day...knowing that my girls were safe, and protected, and treasured.  I hope you know that God brought us together for a reason. I believe that to my core. Our family is forever changed because you are now a part of it. I just wanted to take this moment in time to thank you from the bottom of my heart for a wonderful middle. Now go start a beautiful beginning...

Love you always our Miss Dana,

Channing, Steph, Sayler and Maesyn Doss

Maesyn 7 and 8 months old

Maesyn this is you at 7 months old!

Here is your sister at 7 months old :)

Here you are at 8 months old...getting bigger every day and SO smiley!!!

Here is sissy at 8 months old...can't believe she was ever this little!

Maes -
Mommy has really been so awful at updating your monthly milestone blog.  I feel terrible about it and I also feel like there is no way that I am updating months 7 and 8 and you have already passed months 9 and 10.  I can honestly say this year has been the FASTEST year of my life.

Here are some of the amazing things you were doing in month 7 and 8:

• You weigh 19.4 lbs.
• You have both of your bottom teeth.
• You started rocking back and forth on all fours and we just knew crawling was sure to happen soon!
• You are the smiliest baby on the planet and smile SO big in the morning when you wake up and we pull you out of your pack and play.
• You still sleep in our bedroom right next to Mommy...I can't seem to handle letting you sleep in your own room yet.
• You started saying Dada and Daddy could not have been more excited.  You have not stopped saying it since!
• Your hair is starting to curl up a little, and even though you have a lot less than your sister did at this age I know it is going to be just as long and thick as your sister's!  Mommy's arms are going to be very tired brushing all of that hair every morning!
• You discovered Elmo and I think those people at Sesame Street must really have that voice down to a science because as soon as you hear Elmo on the TV/computer you immediately turn to see it. You are captivated by him!
• You LOVE your sister and smile the biggest and laugh the loudest when she is all up in your face trying to be funny.
• You are not a fan of getting into your car seat and you always try and sit up and roll out the side when I am trying to buckle you in.
• You haven't developed stranger anxiety yet and will pretty much still let anyone hold you or talk to you. You are such an easy going baby.
• You have about 100 nick names: Maes, Mae Mae, Booze, Boozey, Boozerelli, Boozarino, Maesers. The list goes on and on...even Say joins in and calls you many of your nick names. You are going to be so confused once you understand the concept of what your name is.

I love you more than I ever thought possible my Mae Mae Doss.  You are just the best baby and have brought so much joy and laughter to our already amazing life.  Things are only better with you!!!

Love you most,

Mommy