Upside Down

"Ms. Doss? This is Denise from the doctor's office.  I am calling to inform you that your blood work came back and is perfect. However..., the Dr. wanted me to let you know that while examining your chest x-ray he saw a mass in your chest near your heart and he wants you to have a CT scan right away to make sure it isn't anything serious."

And that was my Tuesday afternoon.  How's your week been?

I'll spare you the build up and let you know that I did have a CT scan Wednesday morning and the nurse called this afternoon letting me know that the "mass" was a fatty pad and was very normal and nothing to worry about. Exhale...

***New rule...the word "mass" should be outlawed in all conversations involving medical test results. I suggest interesting blob. Or, a little polka dot...but not mass.  Never mass.

So, needless to say, from the word "however..." until about 3:00pm this afternoon my world has been turned upside down.

I was scared.  To my core...scared.  I was lying on the CT machine with an IV so they could inject me with this iodine solution as to be able to decipher the scan results more accurately and I was trembling.  I don't ever remember being scared like that as an adult.  It has humbled me...the fear.  It has caused me to evaluate some things.  It has motivated me to quit evaluating some things.  I rocked Sayler to sleep a little bit longer last night.  And checked my email a little bit less.  I promised myself that I would give this new professional direction I have been contemplating a real go at it, and I thought about how lucky I am and how much I take for granted.

Why are we like that?  Why does it take a health scare or a death close to home or the contemplation of a terminal disease to really make us stop and take inventory of our lives?  We shouldn't have to be taken to the edge of the cliff in order to focus on what really matters in life. But that's human nature isn't it?  We all live life as though it is our right to do so...and don't think twice about it.  Now and then we have something shake the foundation a bit and cause us to take a step back. But even then, after a while, the fear subsides and we ease back into that comfortable, immortal state of mind.

I'm not sure how this first real health scare will effect the rest of my life.  I hope it shifts the direction a little bit.  I hope it propels me to do more things that aren't practical.  I hope it makes me not care so much about things that don't matter.  I hope that getting turned upside down for a bit will help me find the right direction for my life.  My real hope is that it changed me.  I'm lucky. I have some time to see how this whole thing pans out. I'm gonna try my darnedest not to waste it.

In other news not involving a "mass"...someone in the Doss family has been up to some new tricks.  Take a peek.



Sayler Steppin' Out from Stephanie Doss on Vimeo.

Ok...I'll admit...my baby talk is annoying.  But my baby...pretty darn sweet wouldn't you agree?

Love ya'll...

11 Months Old

11 months old!!!  It never ceases to amaze me how fast these months fly by.  In less than 1 month I will be the mother of a one year old!!!  And what a whirlwind it has been.  The best most exciting tornado of my life is an 11 month old little peanut named Sayler Jaye!!!

You have been so busy this month little miss.  Here are some things you have been up to:

• You weigh 22.6 pounds and wear 12 month old clothes.  You also wear both size 3 and 4 diapers.  We are almost out of your size 3's and then you will be in 4's full time.
• You are cruising everywhere and many times take your hands off of the furniture and stand independently.  You can transfer from one piece of furniture to another without going to the floor. But you just aren't quite ready to take that independent step.  Can I get a hallelujah???  I am not ready for you to walk yet for several different reasons...mostly that I want you to stay my baby for a little bit longer. Like say 30 or 40 years!
• You eat table food exclusively and love it all!!!  Any time Mommy or Daddy have any food in their hands you make a b-line over to us and start smacking your lips together.  It is hilarious!  You are a good eater and not picky so far.  You are still taking a bottle 3-4 times a day.
• You sleep through the night and are very in to our nightly routine.  You love playing and jumping on mommy and daddy's bed and flopping yourself onto all of our pillows.  You squeal with delight and are so proud of yourself while you jump all over and get wild!!!  We love it too...it is one of the best parts of my day lying with you on the bed and listening to you laugh.
• You are not a fan of the word "no."  You turn on the waterworks pretty fast when you are getting into something you shouldn't and mommy or daddy tells you no.  It lasts about 3 seconds and then you move on.  You seem to remember most of the time what the "no" things are and will look at mommy or daddy to check and see if it's still a "no."
• You do this thing when you are upset or irritated and it absolutely cracks me up.  You lay on your back and kick your legs out and blow your bottom lip out over and over again.  The funny thing about it is you really think you are giving us a piece of your mind.  I try not to laugh because I don't want you to think it is OK to throw these little fits...but it is so stinkin cute.
• You say "Hi" and wave to people all the time.  The problem is you usually do it once they are gone!  You love looking out the window and waving to all of the construction workers working outside on the church and houses being built.  You will also say "Dada or Da" when you hear or see Daddy.  Not so much with the Mama but I know it is coming someday soon.  You have been saying Nana a lot lately and I know Grandma will LOVE to hear that.  You also say "Thank You" but it sounds more like "dat doo."  I think you are going to be a little Miss Smarty Pants as you catch on to things so fast.
• You LOVE to be outside and cry when it is time to come in most days.  When we leave the door open to the deck so we can get some fresh air in the house you crawl out there like a mad woman and are just so proud of yourself sitting out there like a big girl.
• You're fascinated by all of the pumpkins and fall decorations we have on the front porch.  You love to just stand and pound on the pumpkins and pull the hay out of the hay bales.  You look up at me to see if it is OK and then just smile and laugh while you are exploring all of the cool stuff.
• You had a double ear infection 2 weeks ago and Mommy felt so bad that she didn't know sooner.  You are just such a happy baby even when you are sick.  The only reason I knew something might be up was because you were waking in the night and that is so unlike you.  I was almost certain it was not your ears because you were so happy otherwise.  I thought you were just going through some sleep regression.  But we went to the Dr. just to make sure and sure enough you had a double ear infection.  So much for Mommy's theory right?  They put you on a 10 day cycle of Omnicef and we went to have then rechecked today and they are clear and healthy!  YAY!
• You understand what Mommy and Daddy want when we ask you for kisses.  Sometimes you give them and sometimes you look at us like "quit begging!" You also kiss your reflection in the chrome hardware in the bathtub and it is the sweetest thing.  I always say, "Who's that baby?" and you will look at the reflection and give it a kiss.
• Daddy baby proofed all of the cupboards in the kitchen and you are not a fan.  You try and open them and when they won't open you get so mad.
• You love to crawl into the bathroom in the morning when Daddy is in the shower.  You don't quite understand why he is in there but you squeal and laugh the whole time.
• You are not intimidated by the older boys at daycare in the least.  Ms. Dana says that when she calls the boys over to sit at the big table you follow right behind them and squeeze in between the boys and elbow your way right up to the table. You are not missing out on anything.  You also are still snatching toys from the other baby girls...most recently a yellow block from Grace.  I was there to witness this snatch attack and you were promptly told no and the block was returned to Grace. You were not pleased and turned on the tears.  I called Daddy on my way to works and said, "I think we have the daycare bully!!!"  I know you have no idea that taking a toy from another child is wrong...but you are going to learn sooner rather than later!!!

You are the light of my life doll face and I smile so much by the end of the day my cheeks usually hurt!  Next month is your 1st  birthday and I seriously can't believe it!!!  Mommy loves you all the way to the moon and back little mama!!!

Mwah!!!

Love,

Mommy

I think the Trick in "Trick or Treat" has taken on a new meaning...

Really Halloween...really???  I have always been amazed at the lure that Halloween brings for closeted street walkers to come out!!!  "I'm here!!!  I'm slutty!!!  I'm a pumpkin!!!"  It leaves me baffled and mildly uncomfortable.  No matter how innocent something may be just add the word "naughty" in front of it and voila...instant slutty Halloween costume!!!  Should you lean in this "naughty" direction can I just make a suggestion that you please, for all that is good and holy, not choose any of the following costumes this time around:

Sexy Chucky

Wait what???  How on earth can you make Chucky sexy.  It is a mass murdering doll for criminy's sake.  Forgive me for not getting all hot and bothered!!!

Naughty Nun

Just trust me here...do you really want to test Jesus with this? Nuff said.

Sassy Big Bird

OK some things are just sacred and I am not going to allow you to whore out Big Bird.  I.WON'T.STAND.FOR.IT!!!

Sexy Spongebob

Sweetheart...you deserve to get punched in the face for this ensemble.  And maybe once in the stomach for good measure.

Sexy Miss Tater Tot

Stop it. There is NOTHING sexy about tater tots.  Exhibit A:

Naughty Nemo

This almost makes the slutty Chucky look tame.  So wrong in so many ways.