Thursday, October 28, 2010

Upside Down

"Ms. Doss? This is Denise from the doctor's office.  I am calling to inform you that your blood work came back and is perfect. However..., the Dr. wanted me to let you know that while examining your chest x-ray he saw a mass in your chest near your heart and he wants you to have a CT scan right away to make sure it isn't anything serious."

And that was my Tuesday afternoon.  How's your week been?

I'll spare you the build up and let you know that I did have a CT scan Wednesday morning and the nurse called this afternoon letting me know that the "mass" was a fatty pad and was very normal and nothing to worry about. Exhale...

***New rule...the word "mass" should be outlawed in all conversations involving medical test results. I suggest interesting blob. Or, a little polka dot...but not mass.  Never mass.

So, needless to say, from the word "however..." until about 3:00pm this afternoon my world has been turned upside down.

I was scared.  To my core...scared.  I was lying on the CT machine with an IV so they could inject me with this iodine solution as to be able to decipher the scan results more accurately and I was trembling.  I don't ever remember being scared like that as an adult.  It has humbled me...the fear.  It has caused me to evaluate some things.  It has motivated me to quit evaluating some things.  I rocked Sayler to sleep a little bit longer last night.  And checked my email a little bit less.  I promised myself that I would give this new professional direction I have been contemplating a real go at it, and I thought about how lucky I am and how much I take for granted.

Why are we like that?  Why does it take a health scare or a death close to home or the contemplation of a terminal disease to really make us stop and take inventory of our lives?  We shouldn't have to be taken to the edge of the cliff in order to focus on what really matters in life. But that's human nature isn't it?  We all live life as though it is our right to do so...and don't think twice about it.  Now and then we have something shake the foundation a bit and cause us to take a step back. But even then, after a while, the fear subsides and we ease back into that comfortable, immortal state of mind.

I'm not sure how this first real health scare will effect the rest of my life.  I hope it shifts the direction a little bit.  I hope it propels me to do more things that aren't practical.  I hope it makes me not care so much about things that don't matter.  I hope that getting turned upside down for a bit will help me find the right direction for my life.  My real hope is that it changed me.  I'm lucky. I have some time to see how this whole thing pans out. I'm gonna try my darnedest not to waste it.

In other news not involving a "mass"...someone in the Doss family has been up to some new tricks.  Take a peek.

Sayler Steppin' Out from Stephanie Doss on Vimeo.

Ok...I'll baby talk is annoying.  But my baby...pretty darn sweet wouldn't you agree?

Love ya'll...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I totally miss you guys! Kiss Sayler for me!