Wednesday, February 18, 2009

And how would you like your eggs?

When I was young my Mom and I would go to Village Inn (picture an IHOP with better food) quite frequently. We would both order the VIB (Village Inn Breakfast) for you VI virgins. You know that part when you're ordering eggs from a restaurant and the waitress says, "and how would you like your eggs sugar?" (apparently our VI hired Flo from Alice). Anyway, I would order scrambled or over easy, sometimes I would spice it up a bit and order poached. Well I am changing my order from now on...I would like my eggs YOUNG!!!

I am getting a very interesting education in a woman's reproductive evolution. It's not looking good folks. These eggs are gearing up for an early retirement and I am trying to sweeten the pot with benefits and a big fat raise!!! Apparently, although society has progressed and women are now pushing off having children until they are...I don't know...READY!!! Mother Nature has not signed on to this new plan. She is still of the mindset that good, viable, healthy eggs are meant for the young...and when I say young, I mean really "Mom where's my cheer leading uniform" young. Or, "oops I am hungover from my bar crawl and missed my 8:00am class" young. Bottom line here is...Mother Nature should be sued for age discrimination...and throw in some gender discrimination while your at it.

I mean seriously...can the 34 year old chic catch a break? I have tried to do the right things in my life. Rebounded back from some ridiculous choices I made in my early 20' say marrying a loser who wanted to spread his seed all over tar nation. I did not allow that loser seed to be planted into my young naive eggs. I picked my eggs up and moved them on to higher ground. Got my eggs a good education. Took my eggs to Ireland to study abroad. My eggs passed the bar. Then my eggs found a pretty awesome man who was not a loser, and had no interest in conquering all of tar nation. My eggs fell in love, got engaged, got a great job, with a great paycheck, and AMAZING insurance, got married, and after all of that responsible choice making, and goal attainment my eggs should have been ready to fulfill their destiny right? Wrong. Now I hear from the internet(s) that my eggs may be tuckered out from all of this self betterment I have been engaging in.

Is there microderm abrasion for eggs? I'm just sayin...

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