Thursday, September 16, 2010

Unanswered Prayers

I love when I can incorporate Garth Brooks lyrics into my posts.  It's like a precursor to awesomeness.  For those of you that are not aware...I have a slight case of "The Garth."  It is a highly contagious condition that may or may not cause you to attend 3 Garth Brooks concerts in 10 days and/or contemplate wearing a Garth Brooks t-shirt to work, where you are employed as a law clerk, to a judge, who has a serious job (i.e. judging). (*no Garth t-shirts were worn during the creating of this post or at anytime previous to the creation of this post.  However, the lure of sporting the Honky Tonk Bar Association concert T nearly got the best of me).

Wow...I have taken a serious left turn here.

OK.  So back to the actual point of this post.  This time of year I always thank God for all of his unanswered prayers.  I know that sounds silly and maybe a bit crazy, but the prayers that went unanswered nearly 9 years ago have proven to be the biggest blessings of my life.  For those of you that do not know me personally, or maybe do not know me well I will give you a bit of back ground. My marriage to Channing is my 2nd marriage.  I was married before, and that marriage ended in divorce in 2003.  I got married very young (23) and was completely unprepared for marriage.  I also picked the wrong man to be my husband.  Shocking that it didn't work out right???  Without rehashing all of the ugly details my first husband was unfaithful during our marriage.  But he had been unfaithful prior to our marriage and I married him anyway.  So I was not a victim...I knew full well what I was getting into.  But I was going to be the one to change him.  I was also planning to win the lottery.  I'm 0 for 2.

During the fall of 2001 we separated and I made it my goal in life to fix our marriage.  I was completely fixated and obsessed with us reconciling as I was not going to fail.  Did you catch that? "I" was not going to fail.  Meanwhile, he had several girlfriends and even got one pregnant (unbeknownst to me at the time), but by golly I was going to win this battle and I prayed fervently for our reconciliation day in and day out.  Eventually, in the Spring of 2002 he decided that he wanted to try and work things out and we reconciled.  Coincidentally, his epiphany happened after I had been accepted to law school.  I know people...I know.  I am shaking my head too.  The stupidity was at a level red (i.e. severe).

So that summer/fall we moved so that I could attend law school and he could work to put me through, just like I worked to put him through undergrad.  Two weeks into my first year of law school he came to me to tell me that he couldn't do it and wanted to move out.  His timing was impeccable.  I was devastated...but not shocked.  Mostly I was embarrassed that I had put myself and my family and loved ones through all of this when I had always known that he was not a good man.  I knew this time it was over...and I filed for divorce within days.  The divorce was final in January of 2003...and then, my real life began.

I have no idea what my life would be like had God answered my prayers in the way I wanted 9 years ago.  But I do know that because those prayers were unanswered I got to have this:

Law School trip to Ireland for 5 weeks

The most amazing lifetime friendships with my "lunch bunch" girls.

The opportunity to be the President of my law school class.

Graduated from law school and passed the bar exam.

Work for the federal government in New Orleans providing disaster relief after Katrina and meeting one of my besties Steph (they called us Thelma and Louise).

Meeting this guy...

Falling in love with above mentioned guy

Getting engaged

Getting married (I still can't believe he picked me to be his wife)

Getting this little message...

Experience this miracle

Meet the one who changed it all...

Experience a love I never knew existed.

Get to smile like this.

And this...

I get to be her mom.

And wake up to this every single morning.

Dear Lord,  Your path is better than my path.  You direction is better than my own.  The life you have for me is more than anything I could have ever dreamed of or asked for.  Thank you for loving me enough to leave some prayers unanswered. 

Your adoring child,

P.S.  Thank you for Garth Brooks too!!!


Tiffany said...

You just brought tears to my eyes. So beautifully put! Life is good!

Shelly said...

I am sitting here reading this with tears in my eyes! I. LOVE. THIS. POST! This is so true in so many ways and is such a good reminder of how God really does have a plan for us, even though at the time we may not understand it. I thank god that I was able to be a part of your life and share so many memories with you, good and bad, I wouldn't change a thing! Love ya forever!! MUAH!

Steph B said...

ok hon, I always read your blogs and I absolutely love them. But let me just tell you Steph, tonight reading this one, well it was the "final confirmation" I have been dodging something I've needed to do and I have gotten signs/confirmations telling me to Just Do It! I just couldn't. Though I knew it, you saying it just made it all the better. Sometimes we have to be thankful for the unanswered prayers. God knows best and will always provide exceedingly and abundantly above all we could ever ask! Thank You!! With that said, I so need some Thelma and Louise time soon!!!

charity said...

Crying!! You are a beautiful person inside and out! Even though I have never met you face to face, I feel like I know you and have gained a "friend."